a visit to the midwife..

on the 9th january i was booked into see my lovely midwife Demi. she explained all the steps of being induced and the sad news that i'd no longer be able to have my water birth as i'd have to be closely monitored during my labour incase bubs became distressed. 

she was a bit concerned that this was my first baby and there was a chance that being induced could be a very lengthy process. as much as i didn't like the idea of being induced i knew that i would have my baby at the end of it and they were doing it for mine and the babys own good. 

i had to go into hospital every 48 hours to be hooked up to the monitor so babys movements could be looked at. i was going in on the friday and my midwife said she would talk to the doctor about giving me a stretch and sweep to get my body ready for labour. apparently your cervix is still quite far back and thick if you've never had a child before and it could take a while to dilate. 

my midwife spoke to the doctor and decided to come in to hospital on her day off to see me on that friday. she got the ok from the doctor to give me a stretch and sweep, permission had to be in writing as they don't like to do it unless you are 40 weeks and over. 

people had told me horror stories about having a stretch and sweep and i was pretty scared. jack had so much time off work at the start of the week due to me being in and out of hospital that he couldn't come with me so i had to be a big brave girl and do it alone. in all honesty it wasn't as bad as people make out to be, i think it helped that i trusted my midwife and had a good relationship with her! she said she gave me a really good one (weird thing to say i know!) and i was already 1cm dilated and thinned. because of this she said it looked quite promising that it would work as my body was getting ready on it's own.

i walked to my juds house and had a cuppa and some lunch. we then took a long walk to the shops to get some crab to eat infront of the telly! when we got back i noticed i had some bleeding which is common and i had lost some of my plug. 

that evening jack and i planned our weekend and said we would go for a long walk on saturday and have a trip to town on sunday. my midwife said that baby was fully engaged from so early on because of how active i was and how much walking i did. 

monday 6th january..

38 weeks pregnant i started to feel unwell, i rang my midwife who suggested i ring triage and see if they wanted me to pop in and be monitored. speaking to the triage nurse she advised me to come in and be seen as it sounded like i was in slow labour. 

i had pain in my bits when i walked and had loose bowels etc and had been feeling quite sick. i was put on the monitor which showed i wasn't contracting, this i knew already but just to be sure i was checked over.

the next day i hadn't really felt baby move, from being in hospital already for reduced movements i knew it wasn't a risk i could take. i was taken in and put on the monitor, babys heart rate wasn't worringly low but he/she wasn't moving moving much and being a lazy bum. i was told by a consultant that i would need a scan to make sure baby was growing okay and my placenta was working correctly as this was the second time i had been in triage for reduced movement. 

i got a call the next day to come in at 12:30 for a scan, baby was absolutely fine, weighing around 7.6-7.8. head circumference was perfect and so was the size of the abdomen. however, babys femur length was off the chart! must have daddys long legs!

i was seen by a doctor who basically said my body was at full capacity and bubs simply had no room to move! they didn't want me going overdue as it could cause bubs to become distressed and for me to become extremely uncomfortable. they decided the best thing to do was induce me at 40 weeks on my due date! eee who knew i'd be meeting my baby so soon especially when everyone around me was betting i'd go overdue. 

33 weeks..

wow, i don't think either of us can really believe that we are going to be parents fairly soon. the whole pregnancy has just completely flown by and it's mad to think we will have a baby in a very short space of time.

this year for christmas it's just jack and i. jacks parents are in ireland for the week of christmas but unfortunately i'm not allowed to fly anymore. i think we would both love to spend christmas over in ireland especially with nanny given the recent circumstances. 

theres nothing more i love than spending time with jack, last week we went to watch the weeknd at the O2 in london. the doors opened at 7pm but the weeknd wasn't scheduled to come on stage until 9pm so we decided to get the tube down the hyde park. we went to winter wonderland last christmas with the family including nanny and grandad so it felt right to go back and have a drink for him - mine being a hot chocolate obviously! 

we then went to witness the marriage of joel and rachael on the weekend in oxford - needless to say it was an absolutely beautiful traditional winter wedding. it's made me a lot more excited for ours as it's just over a year away. 

christmas is going to be kept low key this year but i am excited to start christmas shopping this weekend. off to newbury on saturday morning - god help us. wish us luck!

surprise baby shower..

jack has been a bit of a sneaky boy and planned a surprise baby shower for me!

unfortunately it was scheduled for the 17th november - the afternoon of the day grandad sadly passed. as far as i knew i was meeting kellie for lunch in town!

natalie was in ireland for the duration of the week so we had both been back and forth to her house to feed her rabbit and fish. i never really got out of the car 'i was keeping it warm' and jack would run in and feed the little cuties. 

obviously i told jack that i'd cancel with kellie and we would do it another time, i didn't want jack being on his own and we needed to make arrangements to get over to ireland. i had a shower and threw on some comfy clothes, i didn't do my hair or put on any make-up. obviously jack told me to make a bit of an effort and told me i couldn't go out looking like that! CHARMING. i rarely do my hair or make-up anymore as i really just cannot be bothered and no one really notices if i make an effort or not haha!

to jacks delight i did do my hair and make-up but i still didn't want to get out of my comfy clothes. his line was 'you haven't seen kellie in ages so wear something to show of the bump so she can see it' he was being a bit picky but i still didn't click!

he came back from 'westies house' to pick me up and take me to town but informed me on the way we needed to feed the animals at natalies. obviously me being me i said ahh i'll just sit in the car and you can go and do it.. that didn't go down well and he dragged me out of the car to 'feed the rabbit'. i did find it a bit strange that jack brought his coat into the house but i didn't question him about it. we got into the kitchen and jack asked me if i wanted a cuppa, it was just after two and i was meant to be meeting at two so obviously my response was 'tea? really? i need to go!' 

i opened the sliding doors which close off the kitchen and the lounge area to find jacks mum and my girls jumping up and screaming surprise!! i was a little taken back and i honestly had no idea any of it had been planned - i am a very lucky girl to have friends and family who are prepared to go to so much trouble for me and bump. baby and i received gorgeous gifts from the girls and i was so overwhelmed by it all. 

we played some baby shower games, had a giggle and ate some nibbles. most importantly we drunk shed loads of tea which is a favourite of mine! 

family..

life can be so hectic at times but it's important to remember the people around you.

on the morning of sunday the 17th of november grandad passed away peacefully in Blackrock hospice in ireland. he wasn't even in there a week but it was his time to go. there is great comfort for us knowing that natalie (jacks sister was by his side when he passed) it feels like part of us was there too.

sunday evening we drove down to wales for the night before getting the ferry over to dublin on monday morning. the ferry was an easier way for us to travel so we could be mobile with the car and so we didn't have to rely on public transport. aunty pauline and uncle jim took us all in to stay with them - theres nothing better than being close to family at a such an upsetting time.

the next two days were full of funeral arrangements and seeing family. it was a strange time for all of us but it was like grandad hadn't really left. what i mean by that is when we all went out for dinner he wasn't at the table with us, i just imagined him sitting up at the bar with a large whiskey and he'd come and join us when he's ready. 

the days just rolled into one and we were all exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. our evenings were spent looking at old pictures of grandad and the family and talking about our most cherished memories of him which will never leave us. 

we went to see grandad at the chapel, he looked dapper as always in his suit but it was hard knowing that he wasn't just sleeping and he wouldn't wake up no matter how much we begged him to!

thursday 21st november - our final goodbyes had to be said. as odd as it sounds it was the most beautiful funeral i had ever been to; i say that on behalf of everybody who was there. we couldn't have wished for a nicer service - a beautiful send off for a beautiful man. i've only ever been to two funerals but irish funerals seem so much more intimate and religious. i'm not religious in any way and i didn't understand a lot of what was going on but everything was perfect. the church was packed and there wasn't a dry eye in there! jack, brent and ian had the honour of carrying grandads coffin in and out of the church, after jack breaking his toe the day before the funeral i was so proud of him for fighting through the pain and doing his grandad proud! after the funeral we headed to the graveyard to lay grandad in his final resting place. it couldn't have been a nicer spot, the planes flew straight over which he would have loved as he worked for british airways for many years, it also means we can wave to him on our way in! 

its a huge understatement when i say he will be sorely missed by everyone who ever came into contact with him. he played such a huge part in everyones lives, it's gutting to know our child will never meet him. grandad will always have a part of his great grandchild with him as we put one of the scan pictures in his coffin. our first born son will have Christopher (grandads name) as their middle name and we will make sure they know how special he really was. almost three weeks on and i don't think any of us can really come to terms with the fact he's really gone. forever in our hearts you beautiful man, memories last forever. 

daddys nugget..

everyday growing our little baby is amazing.

the feet in my ribs and the tickles and strokes from their tiny hands make everything worth while. only 9 weeks until we get to meet them! getting pretty impatient now and would just like them here to kiss and cuddle. 

i've been sorting out all their bits and getting the washing started. the hospital bags are packed and their carseat is in the car (it was driving me mad in the house!) the only big thing left is to build my beloved bugaboo! i'm gagging to rip it out the box and put it together, it is at aunty natalies house and will be until the arrival of baby.

it's mad looking at everything we have how much such a little person really needs! we are so lucky to have everything we do, with hard work, determination and a loving supporting family our child has the best of everything. 

i cannot wait to give them all my love and attention - i live to see them happy and will do all i can to see them with a smile on their little face. lets face it, they deserve nothing less. 

 

my own bubble..

i must admit i haven't been very nice recently. possibly a mixture of hormones and being overtired - i just can't be bothered with the world.

i think recent events have made me really look at the bigger picture. do i really need that? do i deserve that? does my child deserve that? do i need you? as morbid as it sounds i'd rather be alone than surround myself with fake people.

speaking to my midwife about it she said it is a sign of nesting. 'you will only associate with people you'd like in your child's life' it's a protective thing and lots of animals do it too apparently! 

it's sad to see people crop up out of nowhere just to be nosey. there is nothing more i hate than socialites who thrive on knowing other peoples business, it's like some sort of fetish and they get off on it. being around people who slag others off left right and centre but are then nice to their face. just makes me think what do you say about me?! 

safe to say there are minimal people i actually trust but i am blessed with the ones who have always been there for the right reasons. with so much going on i have just put myself in my own little bubble to deal with it in my own way. i hope that doesn't make me a bad person but i don't need to be worrying if i've upset someone or not!