on the 30th of november we flew over to ireland to spend time with the family but our main priority was our beloved grandad. nothing could prepare us for what we saw. i think we were both in complete shock and so taken back by how much he had deteriorated. it was so comforting to see how excited he was to see us and that no matter how much he was going through he still had his enormous sense of humour, bright blue eyes and wonderful smile.
he had his good days and bad days - even though he slept a lot it was peace of mind for me that he wasn't alone and i'd just sit and watch him sleep. i fed him every meal every day, wiped his mouth, made sure he was warm and put on his lip cream when he needed it. this was as much as we were allowed to do due to hospital regulations which i completely respect but i couldn't help feeling useless.
jack made up some playlists of grandads favourite music and put it onto an old iphone. he took some portable speakers so grandad could listen to it when ever he wanted - his face was an absolute picture when he heard it and he had everyone around clapping and singing along too!
the kindest thing for grandad was decided this week and he was moved into a hospice. its less clinical and more homely for him. the next few days will be critical, he isn't in any pain but is very sleepy and non responsive.
trying to think positively is completely off the cards; how can anything be looked at in a positive way at the moment? although he is not my blood, he is my grandad, we have always had a special connection and it warms me to know he has been asking for me whilst he has been poorly. he took my hand, looked me in the eyes and said 'you are my best friend' that moment will stay with me for the rest of my life.
there will be such a huge hole left in the family but even though he wont pick up the phone or knock at the door, he will always live on in our hearts and our minds.
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